


“Let Me Go”

by agib



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Peter Parker Dies, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Sad with a Happy Ending, Temporary Character Death, The Author Regrets Everything, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, maybe? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-08-23 23:35:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16628645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agib/pseuds/agib
Summary: What if Thanos got the soul stone by using someone other than Gamora? What if he didn’t make a sacrifice?What if he made Tony make the sacrifice?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay first of all I definitely cried writing this. Then I regretted it and chose not to post it for about a week. Then I said ‘eff it, I’m sure SOMEONE will appreciate it SOMEWHERE.’
> 
> I’ve decided if I get enough of you guys asking for me to write a second chapter I’ll reverse it somehow and fix the hurt no comfort tag and kill it with fluff. 
> 
> I hope you like it (but to be honest it’s heart breaking to read so please tread lightly <3) and leave me so many comments! I love them all even if you feel like begging me to never write this angsty no comforty horror again. 
> 
> (I still might)
> 
> ((Let’s be honest at some point in the future I’ll end up writing another))
> 
> (((And then end up reversing the death because I can’t stand it either... maybe)))
> 
> <3

“No, fuck you! I - I’m not doing this,” the gauntlet made a noise as Thanos stepped toward the two, it pushed against Peter’s back and he stumbled forward. “Don’t put your hands on him,” Tony growled as he steadied the boy and held him against his chest. 

 

“You will do this, or both of you die and I find somebody else to,” his face didn’t have remorse, he towered over the two and clenched his fist in warning. “I can promise you, if you do it my way, he won’t suffer for long.” Tony blew a breath from between his gritted teeth and instinctively pulled Peter closer, gripping the metal of his suit and pulling his unmasked face into his neck while Thanos spoke again. “But if you continue to refuse, it won’t be a quick death for either of you.” Peter shuddered from where he was pressed against Tony, and the mechanic could feel it. 

 

“Mister Stark...” The teen’s voice was gentle, placating, but all it did was shoot icy fear through Tony’s veins, because he knew what that tone meant. He knew what Peter was going to say, he wasn’t okay with it. “Mister Stark, y - you’re the only one who can win.” He could feel the smaller fingers tightening on his jacket when Peter continued to speak. “You can’t die, this is... I - I can’t let you die.” He didn’t know when he had begun to shake his head, but he kept shaking it when Peter began to pull back from his chest. 

 

“No, no, no. Kid, no. I can’t, I won’t,” he only opened his eyes to see the boy detach his trembling fingers from his jacket and bring them up to his midsection, wrapping them around himself as if to provide some semblance of comfort. “Peter... no, I’m not doing this, I’m not - I - I can’t hurt you.”

 

“It won’t hurt, it’ll be over in a second... I’m okay.” God, no child should be saying those words. No teenager should be ready to accept death. “You know it has to happen Mister Stark.” Peter wasn’t crying, and somehow, that made it worse for Tony, because the kid had already accepted what was going to happen. “I can’t let anyone else go through this. I can’t let you die. I won’t fight it anymore, you need to do this.” The teen leaned closer and Tony thought he was falling forward for another embrace, but he was just whispering softer words. “If you die, we can’t win. For us to win, you need to be alive, a - and if I need to go, s - so you can win this... th - then that’s okay. I’m okay with that.”

 

“Pete...” His eyes were watery now, the snow falling around them was blurring and he almost couldn’t even see the edge through his oncoming tears. “Peter please... please, please don’t say that. Y - you have to be here, you gotta stay here w - with me. 

 

For me. 

 

For May, for Ned, for everyone kiddo. I - I can’t loose you too.” He swallowed thickly against the lump in his throat and took the boy’s hand, squeezing gently, “there has to be another way.” Peter only shook his head sadly.

 

“There isn’t, not now, not after all of this. I’m always going to be here, I’m always going to - to be with you.” Peter laid a hand against Tony’s heart, pressing lightly. “I know you’re going to take care of them for me, and I know you’re going to blame yourself for this. I - I need you to know that this isn’t your fault. It will never be your fault. There was nothing else you could have done.”

 

“Stop.” Tony pushed the hand over his heart away, Peter let it fall to his side and he looked down to the ground. “Stop talking like - like it’s already happened. It hasn’t, and I’m not... I - I can’t do this.” Peter’s fists clenched at his sides and he looked up at Tony with something flickering deep in his hazel eyes. 

 

“You need to understand. It’s either me now, or both of us later, and I will not let you die too.” He was shaking now, he moved around behind Tony, so his back was to the edge. “It has to be you, and I have to be the one that falls.” He picked Tony’s hand back up and put it against his own chest, pulling him closer so their shoes scuffed together. “Just don’t think, just remember before Germany. Picture the lab, focus on the good stuff. Don’t think about this now, don’t think.” He stepped backward and kept Tony walking with him. “I’m not scared, I’m not afraid, and I don’t blame you. I need you right now, I need you to do this.”

 

“Peter, Peter - P - Pete, please.” His feet moved with the teen’s, he felt like he was magnetised to move with him, but he knew what was going to have to happen once they reached the edge. “Please kiddo, please... I c - I can’t.”

 

“Breathe, move with me. I’m going to be okay. It’s not going to hurt.” Peter was crying too now, but they weren’t tears of fear. He wasn’t crying because he knew he was going to die, he was crying because he understood how hard this was for Tony. 

 

That might be what hurt the most in the moment. The fact that Peter was the one dying and yet, he was crying for Tony. 

 

“Peter, you have to - please kid, stop - stop.” He halted in the thin blanket of snow that had collected beneath their feet. He reached a hand up to gingerly touch the side of the boy’s face. “Please, I need you to know - you have to know.” Tony took a breath, he focused on the steady thrum of Peter’s heartbeat under his hand, and the feeling of his cheek against his palm. “Pete, you - you’re...”

 

“I know, I do. I know Mister Stark. I - you...” He hiccuped and laughed weakly, his breath stuttering in his throat and turning to fog in the air as he forced the words out. “Me too, I love you too. You’re like a Dad to me. You always will be.” He started to move backwards again and Tony choked on a sob as he followed.

 

“Why, please... why does it have to be you, please kid, please, please, not you.” His lip trembled and he squeezed his eyes shut as the first tear fell down his cheek and puddled at their still moving feet. 

 

“Because once this is over, you can win. You’ll have Pepper, and Rhodey, and I want you to go get Steve back too. For me. You get everyone back together again, after all of this is over.” Peter could feel the distant hum of his senses warning him about the edge and he slowed to a stop once he could feel the back of his foot tilting off the edge. “Mister Stark,” he wasn’t met with an answer so he tried again. “Tony...” the mechanic sniffed as Peter used his first name. He felt the hollowness inside him cracking more as he thought about all the times he had told the kid to just call him Tony, and now he really was. 

 

Peter touched the hand still resting on his cheek and tried a final time. “Dad...” the wind was strong, but not strong enough to carry that word away before Tony could hear it. He sobbed again before looking up. 

 

“It is time now,” from somewhere behind him he heard Thanos speaking. He thought that by now he would be filled with rage for the purple titan, but he just felt empty. He couldn’t feel anything except the beat of Peter’s heart and the warmth beneath his fingertips that radiated from the teen’s cheeks. 

 

“It’ll be okay. I promise. Just let go.” Tony pulled in a shuddering breath and gripped the boy tighter. He whimpered as Peter guided both of his hands to his shoulders and pushed down on them, almost like he was showing him how to do it. 

 

How to shove him off a fucking cliff. 

 

“You’ll always be my mentor, you’ll always be my hero, just do this one last thing, for me, please.” Tony’s tears were cutting steady trails down his face, but Peter just kept the painful smile on his face as he murmured again and again that it was okay, that it wasn’t his fault, there wasn’t any other way to win. 

 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He shouldn’t have opened his eyes. He shouldn’t have looked into Peter’s for one last time. He shouldn’t have. 

 

But he did. 

 

And all he could see was acceptance. All he could see were those wide, trusting, doe eyes that constantly looked up to him and crinkled when he smiled. All he could see was the glaze of complete and unwavering faith clouding the hazel eyes, overshadowed by dark lashes that only exemplified the acceptance of their situation. The eyes that watched him like he was the most important and exceptional thing in the universe when all he ever did was hurt the people around him and watch them suffer because of his choices. 

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Peter whispered, resting his forehead against Tony’s and inching his foot backward once more so that the only thing keeping him on the ledge was Tony, so that he could make it easier for him. Because if Peter was already at the edge, all Tony had to do was let go, and he wouldn’t have to push at all to allow the teen to fall. “It’s okay because it’s not your fault. There wasn’t anything else you could’ve done.”

 

“I’m still sorry kid, I’ll always be sorry, and I’ll always remember you.” His hands were trembling so much against Peter’s shoulders that he wasn’t sure if his body would even allow him to let go. He didn’t think he could physically do it, if there was no way he could mentally, how in the hell was he supposed to push his Peter off a cliff. 

 

“Loosen your fingers,” the boy murmured, and Tony listened to him. “Breathe,” Tony did what Peter said. “And let me go,” he hesitated and his mind spun to find something, anything else to save his kid. 

 

But there was nothing else he could’ve done. 

 

Not with Thanos three strides behind him. Not with the threat of a slow, agonising death for himself and the teen hanging over their heads. Not with Steve and everyone else still in Wakanda, Doctor Strange and the guardians still stranded on Titan, oblivious to where they had been taken too, what Tony was being made to do. 

 

Not with the boy standing at the edge of the cliff, telling him to let go, and whispering promises as he accepted his imminent death.

 

So Tony unclenched his hands as he felt his heart shattering into millions of glassy pieces that would never be repaired. 

 

He let Peter go. 

 

He didn’t close his eyes, they didn’t break eye contact until Peter had fallen past the lip of the cliff and he couldn’t see him anymore. 

 

Those hazel eyes so full of trust never broke from his.

 

The tears didn’t stop falling. 

 

He didn’t get up from where he had fallen to the snow, not even when the stone fell into place on the gauntlet and Thanos brought him back to Titan. 

 

He stayed in the dust. He looked at the ground. He tried not to blink because when he did all he could see was Peter and all he could feel was the metal of the Iron Spider suit slipping from his fingers and the flurry of snow that billowed upward as Peter fell from that cliff.

 

He only looked up when he saw, one by one, as each of the guardians, as Doctor Strange, as everyone, turned to dust. 

 

For a fleeting moment, he thought he would disintegrate too, and that he had let Peter go for nothing, because he was dying now anyway. But nothing came. He didn’t crumble, he wasn’t blown away by the winds of an unfamiliar planet like the rest of them.

 

He stayed sitting in the red dirt of Titan, and he stared at his hands. The same hands that let his kid drop from the snowy edge, and he wept. 

 

He let his tears fall and wash away the last of the crusted, red dirt from his fingertips, he let the ground beneath him turn muddy as the salty water collected and rolled off his cheeks. He stayed there long enough for the last of the snow from that cliff melted into his knees and dropped away like the very last words Peter had uttered. 

 

“Let me go.”

 

He didn’t even argue when the blue woman heaved him to his feet and pushed him towards the broken ship, throwing pieces of debris at him to carry as they went. 

 

He fixed the space craft in silence, no more tears, no more thoughts, just numbness. Nothing else. 

 

Periodically, when he blinked, he could see the tuft of honey-brown curls drifting towards the ground. He could hear a phantom clap as something hit the rock beneath him and the sound echoed off the bottom of the cliff as the infinity stone rose to Thanos. 

 

He didn’t think about those things. 

 

He clutched the makeshift tools he had until his knuckles were white and he channeled everything he had left into the ship, so he could get off and away from this god forsaken planet.


	2. Emotionless Petals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter likes flowers and colours, Tony hates emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> M'kay so I wrote this because I have a heart and couldn't leave this drabble at that one chapter (I could feel it eating away at me).
> 
> Aaaand, also because so many people left so many lovely comments I just had to.
> 
> Third chapter coming very soon too <3

“Let me go,” he murmured, breathing in, feeling the burn of the cold in his nostrils but focusing on the last smells of coffee and metal that hung onto Tony’s shirt. He kept his eyes forward, locked on those of his mentors, he could see the mechanic’s tears, he could hear them dropping to the snow beneath them, but he wasn’t going to let his emotions show.

 

Peter was fine.

 

He was okay with dying if it meant Mr. Stark would be able to save everyone else.

 

Sure, not seeing May again would hurt. He would miss coming home from school and walking into the apartment only to be met with a puff of smoke and a dish cloth being waved in his face as May apologised but smiled nonetheless, ushering him back out the door so they could walk to get takeout together.

 

Never ripping into a new Lego box with Ned and counting off all the pieces together was a hard thing to think about. He would never do their handshake again, they’d never spend their free periods and lunchtimes building a Death Star again, Ned wouldn’t tug at the sleeve of his shirt to pull him away from Flash who was waiting for them in the hallway.

 

‘We’ll just walk out the back-way Peter, come on, it’ll be fun. We can check out the coach’s crappy car!’

 

He would never swing around in the fancy desk chairs Mr. Stark had in the lab, or hand him tools while he worked, and Peter babbled about his latest decathlon practice. Never seeing Tony again once he hit the ground wasn’t something he wanted to think about right now, so he focused on the man before him while he still could.

 

He took in the two lines between his eyebrows as he furrowed them together, he took in the brown eyes that would look at him proudly when he aced an equation in the lab. He watched the tiny flakes of snow that occasionally landed among his brunette hair and the way his nose wrinkled when he sniffled. The man’s cheeks were so wet with tears now that Peter thought he could almost see the reflection of his own suit, which he would never get to wear on patrol.

 

“It’s okay, you can do it, just let me go,” his whispered even softer now, brushing his forehead against Tony’s in assurance. He looked broken, he looked absolutely devastated and he was sobbing as his fingers finally loosened enough for Peter to tilt backwards.

 

He kept his eyes on Tony’s even as his foot slipped off the edge and there was nothing keeping him planted anymore. He watched as a little cloud of snow billowed up from where his feet had been resting only moments before, some of the flakes landed atop Tony’s shoes, and Peter had a second to watch as his mouth parted and released a choked sob before he was past the lip of the cliff and couldn’t see anything except the clouds.

 

The wind was quiet, even as it rushed past him. In fact, everything was quiet, like a silent film except in colour. He knew that at some point he was going to become consumed with pain as he hit the ground, so he closed his eyes and waited.

 

And waited.

 

And waited.

 

Nothing was happening. Peter didn’t feel his body colliding with the stone, he didn’t feel his bones snapping or his skull cracking open. He felt warm.

 

He opened his eyes.

 

“Holy shit…”

 

Before him, rolling out further than he could ever possibly hope to see, were vast fields filled with flowers and colourful weeds. The sky was thousands of colours, it dripped and moulded and swam together in breath-taking arrays that exceeded his wildest imagination. He felt as if he had been wrapped in a warm blanket that kept him suspended in a state of calm, because he wasn’t scared, his mind wasn’t overlapping with millions of thoughts and questions, he just… walked.

 

Peter walked through all the fields, ran his fingertips over petals and felt stalks brushing his legs smoothly. The flowers reflected up at him, and his body mirrored the colours that they exuded. He ran his hands through the masses of silken flowers and matched every colour to a memory in his mind.

 

For once, all of them were pleasant memories.

 

Peter was red like the times a tint would flush his cheeks as Tony clapped his shoulder, ‘you did good kid.’ He was orange like the way the sunset bled as he took a break from patrol and lazed on a rooftop overlooking the city skyline. He was yellow like the obnoxious blazers they wore for decathlon as he sat at the front of the bus alongside Ned and shot rapid-fire Star Wars theories at each other. He was green like the grass in the park Ben used to take him to on a windy day in autumn where they would kick a ball around and chase leaves as they blew past their heads. He was blue like the colour of May’s eyes while she laughed and watched him lug home assorted tech junk he found on the walk home from school, ‘like a little hoarder’ she used to say. He was purple like the time him and Tony created a backup suit, but something went wrong with the fabric that made the red and blue melt together and dye both of their hands violet for the rest of the day. He was pink like the way he caught his reflection on the same mornings he would stay overnight at the compound and his Hello Kitty pants announced his arrival as he walked into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes while Tony tried not to spit out his coffee from hiding his laughter.

 

He stopped walking for a moment when he heard a throbbing in the distance, he turned and moved toward it. There was a black mass with a red head attached, he looked blurry, as if he weren’t supposed to be here.

 

“Hello? Are you alright Sir?” The thing turned to him, and he saw the mans face. He was there when Thanos had transported him and Tony to the cliff, it was the same man who had stood to the side as Thanos pushed him into Tony’s arms and told them what was going to happen.

 

‘You will sacrifice the child, Stark. Then you will give me the stone.’ The phantom boom of the titan’s voice would have sent a chill down his spine if not for the fact that he still seemed to be suspended in a simultaneously euphoric yet emotionless state.

 

“You must wait here; the soul stone was not received under the proper propriety or guidelines. You will stay here until it has been reversed.” Peter blinked, then nodded, imagining Tony wielding the gauntlet, clad in the bleeding edge armour as he avenged the sacrifice he was forced to make.

 

“Uh… o – okay. Is Mister Stark alright?” He thought about the mechanic’s tears as he fell past the edge of the cliff, he remembered the way his arms had felt when they were wrapped around him, securing and protecting him from what they both knew had to happen.

 

“You will wait, I must leave now.” He swallowed thickly but once again, nodded at the man in the dark hood with scarlet skin. The next time Peter blinked, the man was gone, and so too were all of the inky black wisps that had surrounded the bottom of his cloak while he floated.

 

He hummed to himself as he began moving again, continuing to run his fingers along the petals and thinking of all the things that made him grin. He watched the sky occasionally, noticed how no matter how long and how far he walked, his legs never grew tired and his lungs never constricted with the physical exertion that came along with perpetual movement. He continued to hum pleasantly, a small smile gracing his lips as he ran his hands along the flowers idly.

 

\----

 

“Are you going to bring up this ‘Wakanda’ on the navigation system or will you continue doing whatever it is that you are doing back there?” The blue woman, Nebula, had a robotic voice, it sounded less human than both of Tony’s AI’s. He didn’t care to think about anything other than the task at hand.

 

“No, this is important, I’ll give you the coordinates in a minute.” Tony tapped at the only device that he had managed to connect to internet, and after not too long, he had finished what he was doing and shoving the seatbelt out of the way. He inserted the location of Wakanda into the ship Nebula was piloting, “there, don’t crash,” he said gruffly before sitting back down to stare at his hands until they landed.

 

\----

 

“Where are the living Avengers?” He asked, using up the tiniest sliver of patience he had left after being pointed to random places in Wakanda where the rest of his old team had last been spotted. A woman with rings around her neck holding a spear pointed towards a building and directed him to the hospital where apparently the remainder of the Avengers were helping the un-dusted doctors and nurses. He pushed the door open numbly and paused only briefly before walking down the hall and stepping into a room where Steve, Thor, Natasha, Bruce, Rhodey and a small furry thing that resembled a racoon were huddled. Steve saw him first, Rhodey was the one that looked the most relieved.

 

“Tony!” He didn’t even bother smiling, there was no point any more.

 

“We’re going back to the tower and we’re reversing whatever the fuck happened here.” He could hear his own voice and it was about as emotionless as he had ever heard it, even worse than Nebula’s.

 

“Tones… did you hit your head or…?” Rhodey laid a placating hand on his shoulder, he shrugged it off, images of the last person’s shoulder he had held flickered for a moment and all he saw were wide, brown eyes, falling through the snowy air. “Tony,” Rhodey tried again, “you don’t own the tower anymore.” The mechanic inspected the palms of his hands, bypassing his friends concern completely.

 

“Yes, I do,” he argued matter-of-factly. Steve opened his mouth to step in, but he wouldn’t let the soldier butt in yet. “I bought it back, we are all going there, I’m getting all of us back together again.” They all looked at him blankly, it wasn’t connecting in their minds. They couldn’t see how badly he needed this to happen. “It’s not a debate, we’re going. It’s important,” he insisted, growing almost desperate inside his mind despite the lack of said emotion showing through in his voice.

 

“Tony, we need to take a step back here an –”

 

“It’s important.” He repeated, not even bothering to look up from his hands to see who was talking. “It’s important, it’s for him, we’re getting back together again and going to the tower. I have a ship, get on the ship.”

 

“Tony, it’s for who?”

 

“It’s for _him._ ” He heard multiple sighs and short of dragging them to the tower, he wouldn’t stop. “Please, I – he needs this.” He didn’t say everything on his mind, because why would he. Shock and denial wouldn’t be the things that broke his filter.

 

He needs this. He deserves this. Peter was the most innocent, pure person. He got the wort death of all of us and he was the one who deserved to die the least. This is what he wanted, this is happening.

 

“Fine, let us get some… let us just help the hospital find some more staff and then we’re on the ship, okay?” He didn’t tear his gaze from his hands, but he was immensely relieved when, after an excruciating period of silence, somebody spoke up.

 

“I’ll be on the ship waiting,” he said, sounding more detached by the minute. There was a muffled discussion and he caught some of the words, but only enough to understand they wanted someone to go with him, so he wasn’t alone.

 

“Hey Tones, I’m coming with you,” he only looked up for Rhodey who walked back to the ship as he did and sat down beside him, watching with careful, analysing eyes. “You said this was for him. Who?”

 

“Him.” If this reality wasn’t the most agonising one in the entire universe, he would have laughed at how much of an exasperated sigh he managed to pull from Rhodey. But this reality held a dead Peter Parker, he would never laugh again.

 

“Tony, I’m not playing the pronoun game with you. Who is ‘him?’”

 

“Spider-Man,” he said in a whisper, the first crack of emotion shining through his numb exterior. Rhodey patted his shoulder and leaned back in his seat, cursing softly to himself.

 

“The kid, from Queens?” He nodded slowly, continuing to look at his hands.

 

The hands that pushed his kid off a cliff.

 

“I’m sorry Tones, once we’ve found Thanos, we’ll reverse it.” He hated that Rhodey didn’t know, because he couldn’t explain it, he couldn’t tell him what happened or how Peter was never coming back because it wasn’t the snap that killed him, it was Tony.

 

“No, we won’t. He’s not coming back, even if we win.” He tried to keep the emotions behind a wall of unfeeling, because he would so much rather live the rest of his life indifferent to what was around him, than face the world with horribly hurting, feeling, heart-breaking emotions.

 

“Tones, don’t talk like that, we can use the stones to reverse the snap and everyone who dusted will come ba –”

 

“No, he won’t come back! It wasn’t the fucking dusting that took him away from me, it wasn’t the fucking snap, okay? It was that fucking giant who made him die, he’s not coming back! He won’t ever come back!” Rhodey blanched for a moment, not expecting the outburst, but as soon as it had come, it was fizzling away again while Tony sunk to his knees and let the new bout of tears run its course. “He’s not coming back, he’s never coming back. He was still a kid and now he’s dead… he’s gone Rhodes, he isn’t coming back, he isn’t, he won’t,” he whispered brokenly. Rhodey was on the floor now too, he was rubbing Tony’s back and telling him it was okay, even though it wasn’t okay.

 

It would never be okay.

 

Peter Parker was dead, and it was never going to be okay.

 

\----

 

“Is he at least contributing?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, he’s the one coming up with all the ideas and tracking tech, but uh, that’s not the issue… It’s just, he – he isn’t really… it’s like he’s not ‘here,’ y’know? Like he’s just wandering around working but he isn’t really with us.” Rhodey stopped talking while Tony drifted past them and into the conference room, eyes still on his hands and a permanent sigh hanging on his lips, perfectly illustrating his point.

 

“Yeah, I – I see what you mean, hopefully we can get him to fight this last one with us, then we can… I don’t know, maybe get him another therapist or grief counsellor, something to get him back to normal.” Rhodey just shook his head and walked into the conference room to sit with everyone else, taking a moment to rub Tony’s shoulder lightly. He knew that his friend had loved that kid, he knew that he regretted all the things he never said, but he never knew that the loss would damage him this much. Steve shot him a knowing, sad look before speaking, addressing everyone in the room, all the Avengers who had been working non-stop for all this time, just so they could end it once and for all, to avenge the dusted.

 

“We got a blip on the tech Tony made, all signs point to it being the stones, the energy source is too specific to be anything else.” He looked to the mechanic, hoping for a reaction, but he got nothing, as usual, so he ploughed onward. “We found him, this is it, this is what we’ve been waiting for.” Steve glanced over, again, to where Tony was staring at the carpet, he took a breath and nodded at everyone in confirmation of the words. “We’re finishing this now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yeah I figured I should say, I got Tumblr not so long ago ~ It's agib_2002 ~ congrats because now I'm sure you can probably work out how old I am :/ 
> 
> <3


	3. "I'll always Choose You"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's back at the cliff, things go differently when he's given a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> M'kay not sure how I feel about this ending, I'm happier that it didn't just stay as the first chapter though, so that's good.
> 
> Enjoy <3

When it came down to it, nobody was injury free and everybody was taking heaving breaths, it was Tony who stayed standing. It was him who was kneeled in front of Thanos, pressing down on the axe that Thor had lodged into the back of the giant’s neck only minutes beforehand.

 

“You know the boy was right, there was not anything else you could have done, Stark.” His repulsors didn’t even whine before they powered up now, they just grew a lighter shade of blue as he clasped them on opposite sides of the titan’s head, pushing in at each of his temples while the charge continued to power. There was a murderous look in his eye unlike one anyone had ever seen, even Natasha couldn’t understand the absolute fury behind that unwavering glare.

 

“He was just a kid,” Tony’s voice was low, lower than everyone on the team had ever heard. “He just wanted to help people, all any of us ever wanted to do was protect the world from people like you.” Tony pressed harder and Thanos grimaced. “You made my kid fall of a cliff. You made me kill my own kid, so you could add another stone to your stupid collection.” Silence hung, thick in the air, heavy and pressurised, the weight of dirt pressing down on a coffin lid.

 

“Tony?” The mechanic didn’t stir, he didn’t pause, he didn’t hesitate in any way when Steve called out from the ground behind them, clutching his shoulder and wincing hard.

 

“You deserve every inch of pain that child ever felt and more,” the blast was loud, it echoed throughout the battlefield and when the dust cleared, Tony’s armour was stained with a haze of deep, purple blood.

 

\----

 

“W – why did you bring me back here Sir?” Peter rubbed his arms as a shiver ran up his spine, he missed the colourful petal fields and the warmth that came along with them. Why did Vormir have to be so cold? Why was he even sitting here, on the cliff, alone except for the man floating to the side, swaddled in ripped, dark cloth.

 

He had been quite happily wandering, as he had been for whatever time had stretched on, but then the light came back, along with the man in the hood with the red skin, he had touched Peter’s hand and then they were back on the cliff. He half expected Tony to appear, but he wasn’t there, nothing was, except the howling of the wind. “Did Mister Stark win? Is that why I’m back here – oh! Did you reverse it?” The man didn’t answer his questions, he was just hovering.

 

Eventually, Peter sat with crossed legs, away from the edge, snow slowly falling onto the shoulders of the Iron Spider suit as he waited. It felt strange, to go without time only to be pulled back to reality where time existed, he was beginning to grow incredibly bored as the moment stretched on longer and longer.

 

“He knows now,” the man said evenly, interrupting Peter’s chattering teeth.

 

“Uh, okay? I – I don’t know what that means. W – who knows what?” Yet again, he was met with silence apart from the small rustle of wind blowing flakes of snow into his hair as he sat.

 

\----

 

Tony walked through the street, passing through the hoards of parents hugging their children, lovers reuniting, people dissolving back into their bodies and being immediately met with the arms of their loved ones. He kept walking until he was safely inside the tower. He moved into the elevator and past his receptionist who was crying onto the phone and promising her husband that she would be straight home to him. It wasn’t a surprise she was at the front desk, everyone who dusted were brought back in the exact place that had originally disintegrated.

 

He didn’t stop ignoring things and walking past other things until he was in the lab, pushing aside the tech he had developed to find Thanos and instead carefully laying out Peter’s old web fluid equations.

 

“I’ve done everything you wanted buddy, everyone’s back,” the words ‘except you’ went unsaid. “Now I’m just gonna… I think I’m just gonna work through all your projects that were half finished… j – just till they’re all done.” His voice cracked but he didn’t think about the doodles on the margins of the paper, he didn’t look too closely at the very unique style of Peter’s handwriting that he never had any trouble understanding, he didn’t look at the page that was still slightly stained purple from the time him and the kid had made an error in the suit’s fabric and it bled together and stained their skin purple. He just silently tinkered with the boy’s old designs and rubbed at his eyes when everything got too blurry to decipher through the tears.

 

“Sir, I am detecting an energy source from within this roo –” F.R.I.D.A.Y’s voice was cut out by the sound of Strange’s portal forming, and soon enough he had the wizard standing inside his lab.

 

“What?” He snapped angrily, covering Peter’s work with a book of his own, fearing the man was here to snatch it all away because it ‘wasn’t a healthy coping mechanism.’ Too many times had Rhodey and Pepper dragged him back to the grief counsellor’s office because they had caught him listening to the teen’s old voicemails about churros and bike thieves.

 

“I have to portal you to Vormir, I got a message from an unknown being that mentioned you and the stone, and some sort of choice to make that was only yours to be made?” He stood up numbly, mentally blocking out the name of the place where Peter had… Where he had fuzzed out the memories of the snow and the brown eyes and the horrible noise of something hitting the ground far below.

 

“Fine.” He stepped through the second portal the man conjured up and wiped at his eyes furiously, giving them a moment to adjust to the dimmer surroundings. Immediately, he could see his breath hanging in the air, Strange watched him as if he should lead the way. “I don’t want to be here,” he muttered, stepping in front of the man who had once turned to dust in front of his eyes.

 

“You think I do?” The wizard replied, Tony frowned at the ground pointedly, stepping over rocks and cracked stone until they stood under a rock which had fallen into another, casting a shadow and sheltering them from the snow.

 

“Stark,” he turned to face the same man, in the same black, tattered hood with the stupidly eerie black smoke folding around underneath him as he hovered.

 

“Asshole,” he greeted harshly, picturing the red-faced man standing, watching and doing nothing as Thanos shoved Peter into his arms and nodded towards the cliff edge. “Why am I here and when can I leave?” He bit out, focusing on the cold rather than their all-too familiar surroundings.

 

“Things unfolded in a manner which resulted in you earning possession of the stone.” He sneered and rolled his eyes.

 

“Thanks, must feel good knowing everything,” he remembered the man greeting himself, Peter and Thanos in the same place, articulating each of their full names perfectly before explaining is was his curse ‘to know all who journey here.’ At the time, he had been so busy keeping himself between his kid and the titan, that he hadn’t grasped how much he wanted to punch that man in the hole where his nose should have been.

 

“You had possession of the soul stone,” the man continued. “However, you had not been prepared to make the sacrifice which granted it.” He scowled darkly, ignoring the confused glances Strange was giving the two. Tony stepped forward, up atop another rock so he was level with the man despite his ability to levitate.

 

“I was forced to make that sacrifice, of course I wasn’t prepared. I refused, you saw me saying no! You watched while it all happened, and you didn’t lift a finger you fu –”

 

“It was not my place,” he interrupted. Tony could have killed him then and there, but he needed to see how this was going to play out, Strange had said something about a choice. “You made the sacrifice, although it was not your choice to do so,” he clenched his teeth.

 

“No shit.” He bit his tongue and flexed his fingers at his side, waiting for the man to stop being so cryptic and tell him why he was standing in the same place that… he shook his head to dispel the image.

 

“Because you would not have made the sacrifice if you had been given the choice, yet you still received the stone, you may have the freewill to make the decision once more.” Tony blinked, turned back to Strange, then swivelled around to face the cloaked man again.

 

“What decision?” The man didn’t grace him with an answer and he blew out a frustrated breath. “Forgive me if I don’t precisely get what you’re laying down here, asshole, it’s been eleven months. What do you want me to do?” The red-skinned man turned and floated further ahead, Tony rolled his eyes for a second time before following, having half the heart to turn around and beg Strange to take him back to the lab so he didn’t have to walk out onto that cliff again.

 

“I am unable to discern whether or not you would prefer the stone over the life of your sacrifice, as your original choice was overshadowed by threat.” The man stopped hovering right before the last corner hiding the cliff, one more turn and Tony would be walking out onto that ledge and seeing the setting of his nightmares. The man hovered before him and turned to face him, watching him with those disgustingly yellow eyes. “You have been granted the opportunity to make the choice again, you may do so as you please.”

 

“Tony, what choice, what does he mean ‘life of your sacrifice?’” He didn’t turn to answer Strange, because he had already figured everything out in his head.

 

The man was telling him he could chose, Peter or the stone, without Thanos’ threat hanging over their heads.

 

“Peter! Peter! I choose Peter! I don’t want the stone, I want my kid! Where is he? Give me my kid!” He reached forwards to grasp the man’s cloak, but he was already drifting around the corner and out onto the ledge.

 

Tony didn’t wait for Strange to understand, he didn’t hesitate before he was stumbling over rocks and sprinting after the man onto the cliff face.

 

\----

 

Peter was blowing warm air into his shaking hands when he heard the yelling. He could hear his own name, he could hear someone saying they didn’t want the stone, someone begging for their kid. Then, he heard rocks shifting as hurried footsteps pounded towards him.

 

The teen jumped up at the sound of the cloaked man’s dark smoke carrying him over to where he had once hovered.

 

“Who was yelling?” No answer, and honestly, Peter wasn’t surprised. He could still hear the footsteps, they were clumsy, stumbling often but never slowing despite the rough terrain. Then, he heard his name being called again, he recognised the voice.

 

“Peter!” While he had walked across the warm flowers, he hadn’t had the capability to feel sadness or loss, he could only feel calm, but hearing the pain and desperate longing in his mentor’s voice, it made all the emotions he possessed before he fell come rushing back. They hit him so hard it was visible, tears welled up instantaneously, his mouth opened as he gasped and began to tremble, from the cold or the shock or the overflow of bottled emotions, he wasn’t sure, but he did know he was running now too.

 

“Mister Stark?” His voice was weak, he was almost having a hard time believing this, he had died. He had fallen off a cliff and hit the rocks below and seen what must have been the afterlife, but here he was, back on Vormir, careening towards the sound of Tony’s footsteps while tears began to fall from his eyes.

 

\----

 

“Mister Stark?” Tony’s foot wobbled as he used an unsteady rock to push him closer to the corner, and he could hear movement from up ahead, but he didn’t stop running until he was colliding with something red and metallic. His first instinct was to reach his hands up and hold the figure at arms-length, so he could see who it was. “Mister Stark!” The voice cracked as the pitch wavered too high, and Tony didn’t even need to see Peter’s face to know that was undeniably him.

 

“Peter!” He hit the ground with his knees, not even feeling as the snow soaked into his pants like it had after the first time he fell to the ground. “Peter, Peter, Peter…” Tony repeated the name in an endless litany of soft whispers, all the while he curled his arms around the boy’s back and neck to pull him as close as possible. “Oh my god, ohmygod, Peter. I thought I lost you, I thought you weren’t ever – Y – You died, I – I don’t… oh god.” He buried his face in the soft, chestnut curls that rested beneath his chin, he sobbed as he cradled the teen, rocking him in his arms while everything sunk in.

 

Peter was in his arms. He was okay, he was alive.

 

Tony could feel Peter shaking in his hold, he could feel the cool brush of his cheek against his neck and the little huffs of air being blown against his collarbone. He felt as arms wrapped around the back of his neck and slowly but surely squeezed back, returning the embrace.

 

“Mister Stark,” Peter whispered, the name falling from his lips in a way that made Tony feel a bubble of warmth filling his chest while emotions boiled up that he hadn’t felt in so long.

 

Happy, content, fond.

 

He loved this kid with every fibre of his being and he hadn’t known how much he needed him until he was lost.

 

“Peter, I missed you,” he reached a trembling hand of his own around and behind his back, grabbing hold of one of Peter’s hands and bringing it to rest at their sides while he tilted the boy’s head down so their foreheads bumped together. He could see the unshed tears that rested at Peter’s lash line, he pulled him closer, rubbing gentle fingers up and down his spine while he continued to murmur the boy’s name.

 

“Y – you’re just grabbing the door, r – right?” He felt Peter’s lips twitching against his neck and for a moment he didn’t answer, processing the words.

 

_‘That’s not a hug, I’m just grabbing the door for you. We’re not – we’re not there yet.’_

 

“No kid, this is, it – it’s a hug, it is.” He clutched Peter’s hand tighter and felt as the teen smiled wider.

 

“O – okay,” he slumped more in Tony’s arms and dropped his chin over his shoulder, still holding onto him but not with the same desperate need.

 

\---- Two Weeks Later ----

 

“So, how’s May handling it?” Tony pushed the small pile of paper that he had slowly worked through onto Peter’s side of the bench, smiling when the kid scrunched his nose and flipped through them.

 

“She’s okay I guess, really huggy now, we eat dinner together and stuff more than we used to. I don’t mind, I missed her.” He hummed in response and fiddled with an old piece of tech, watching Peter roam around the lab, running his fingers over things that hadn’t been moved since after he fell. “Who’s Doctor Remmings?” He asked, dusting a knuckle over a box he didn’t recognise.

 

“Some guy Pepper and Rhodey made me see for a bit, you can go through the box if you want, it’s pretty standard stuff.” Peter quirked a curious eyebrow at him and lifted the lid, squinting at the first page as he read the file.

 

“You got a grief counsellor?” He asked, turning fully to lift the box and carry it over next to where Tony sat, pointing at the business card sitting in the box.

 

“Well, yeah. Hated every second of it because it was pointless but Rhodey and Pep insisted.” He flicked the card aside but continued to watch Peter leafing through the documents interestedly.

 

“Why’d you hate it?” Tony shrugged, scuffing his shoe on the ground and twiddling a pen between his fingers.

 

“It’s hard to enjoy being stuck in a room with someone who’s favourite thing to ask is ‘and how does that make you feel?’ When the thing you hate most is talking about your feelings.” He looked up from the pen when Peter rifled through to a page he had forgotten about writing, he would have thrown it into the trash before the kid could have read it all, but the glimmer in his eyes and the way his whole body repositioned softly as his eyes danced across the page. The thing was an old sheet of crumpled refill pad that the doctor had made him write out everything he had wanted to tell Peter before he died, how much he had left unsaid, how proud he was, how great he thought the kid had done.

 

“Y – You mean all this?” He was surprised to see Peter’s eyes sparkling, the lights catching the watery look in his eyes.

 

“Yeah kid, its sappy and stupid but I mean it.” Peter dropped the page to the desk and flung himself at Tony, wrapping his arms around his neck and hugging him almost as closely as they had on that cliff. “You good Underoos?” He felt the boy nodding against his shoulder and he dropped his arms to return the embrace.

 

“I love you too, I missed you.” Tony smiled at Peter’s words, he rubbed small circles into his back and felt affection in his throat when Peter pulled back and rubbed at his teary eyes, glancing over to the page again and returning Tony’s smile. “Thank you,” he said lightly, his hazel eyes meeting the mechanic’s gaze, “for choosing me… for – for being a good mentor and everything.”

 

“Hey,” he nudged Peter’s shoe with his own, grinning wider, “I’ll always choose you kid.”


	4. Tony's Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The letter Tony's grief counselor suggested he wrote for Peter to help relieve the pain of missing him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea to write what Tony said in his letter to Peter came from a comment on chapter 3 left by Some_Rando  
> So thank you because I cried well writing this and love Tony feels <3
> 
> Feel free to comment if you enjoyed - makes my day every time
> 
> Enjoy <3

_Hey Underoos,_

_I’m trying this new thing where I’m honest about my feelings and thoughts and stuff, some people have told me it would help if I told you all those things, said all the stuff I should have ~~before you died.~~_

_So, as I think you realised in the moment, I haven’t exactly been coping the best with all this, but I think the main issue is that I can still see you – in my dreams I mean. It’s hard because when the dreams are good, I forget it’s not real, and then I wake up and remember you aren’t here with me anymore, and it just hurts a whole lot more. But then again, the other thing is, when they’re bad dreams, or more accurately, when they’re memories of what happened on Vormir, I wake up and hope it goes away but it never does, because that is exactly what happened._

_But I think the common denominator here is that every time I wake up, no matter what kind of dream it was, I get angry at myself, because I didn’t appreciate you. I didn’t tell you how proud I was of you, I never told you how great you did._

_And that’s really all you ever wanted, all you ever needed, wasn’t it?_

_You just wanted to hear from me._

_The thing that hurts about that, is I knew. I knew that all you ever hoped for was me calling you back after patrol, or even a single text. I never even texted you. How hard is it to text somebody? Its not hard, it was never hard, but I made it hard and now you’re gone, and I never even gave you what I knew you needed most._

_Guidance, approval, respect, a mentor, someone you could go to for help if things ever went bad._

_I didn’t even save you or help you after the building collapsed, hell I didn’t even know until they showed it on the news and you laughed and said, ‘hey I was under that!’_

_You laughed, but you almost died that night, and I was never there, I was the one who took away the suit that could have saved you in the first place. I knew your homemade suit didn’t have any way of contacting someone in an emergency, and I knew that taking the suit I gave you wouldn’t stop you from being Spider-Man, so why’d I take it?_

_If I knew both those things, then logically I should have known you could have been hurt or worse, so why’d I still take it?_

_Because I fucked up._

_All I ever did was screw things up with you kid, and I’m sorry._

_I don’t think I’ve ever said that to you, I don’t think I ever actually said the words I’m sorry._

_I should have after the Ferry incident. That’s what I’m most sorry for, because it wasn’t ever really your fault, you were trying your best and without a proper mentor, there was only so far you could get._

_I yelled at you and I said that if someone had died it would have been your fault._

_And the reason that was so messed up, was because I knew that your motivations were only to help people, and that your greatest fear was to hurt them. And I hate that I knew that, because I used it against you for my own selfish reasons._

_I said those fucked up things and I took your suit because I was scared._

_I was scared that your motivations were to impress me, to make me proud so I would acknowledge you. I was scared that you were me and I was my father, and that you were willing to go to lengths where you would get hurt just to get my validation._

_That’s what I was afraid of on that rooftop, when you said, ‘I just wanted to be like you.’ That’s what I was scared of._

_And of course, the first thing I said was that I had wanted you to be better._

_Which is bullshit, because ~~you are~~ you were already so much better than me Peter. You were that much better than me and yet you still sought after my validation._

_And I’m sorry I never gave it to you._

_I’m sorry I never gave you what I knew you wanted, what I knew I should have given you. Sure, I tried a few times, but a pat on the back and giving back the suit which was already rightfully yours was never enough, and I hid behind my stupid walls and I never let you in even though I knew how amazing you were and I knew you had no malicious intent to hurt me like Obi had, and yet I still didn’t let you in._

_~~If this were a stupid writing club activity I’d throw in a sappy metaphor about how I was a castle and you were just a knight trying to help and I put up my drawbridge and dug a moat.~~  
That was absolute shit, ignore it._

_I don’t know kid, I guess I tried to convince myself that inviting you around to the lab once a week was enough, but deep down I knew it never was._

_I hate being perceptive because I knew you lost two father-figures, I knew you lived alone with your aunt, I knew you looked up to me and I knew I should have – could have – been another._

_Another father-figure I mean._

_I know you mentioned that before ~~you fell~~ I let you go. You called me Dad and I couldn’t even suck it up enough to call you my kid. At least not to your face._

_I don’t know what else to say Peter. It’s really simple if you think about it, I was proud of you, I loved you, I saw you like a son and I was so, so fucking lucky to have you in my life._

_But you know me, always one to complicate things when they don’t need to be._

_I was proud of you – I barely ever showed you and contradicted it more than I proved it._  
I loved you – I never said the words, I never gave you a sign, I never made it clear.  
I saw you like a son – I couldn’t force the words out and I didn’t fully accept it until it was too late.  
I was so, so fucking lucky to have you in my life – And yet I still couldn’t save you or stop you from having to leaving it again. 

_So, I guess what I’m trying to say here is that you deserve all the validation and you deserved a good mentor, and I’m so sorry I could never give all those things to you. And I’m sorry you were the one whose life was cut short, you were the one who missed out on so much._

_You were the son I never had and will always be the spider kid from Queens who I wished I’d called my son._

_I’m sorry kiddo, I ~~loved~~ love you,_

_– Mr. Stark_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got Tumblr not so long ago ~ It's agib_2002 ~
> 
> I post on there - it's all Marvel (especially irondad)
> 
> A few people have commented and mentioned that they've read more than just one of my fics and enjoyed them, so, if anybody wants to, I'd be really happy writing asks and getting prompts or suggestions for new fic to write if you leave them on Tumblr.
> 
> So... yeah, leave an ask/suggestion if you want me to write it (or even just ask any questions you're curious about me or my writing or anything really).
> 
> I'd honestly be happy talking about anything if anyone messaged me, so feel free to hit the asks/submissions/messages if you wanted to say anything at all.
> 
> <3


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